Me, Depressed?

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would fall victim to Depression. I always saw myself as a happy person, loved life and had amazing friends. I thought depressed people were not happy with their lives and wanted to blame it on being sick.

Well Ive realized that I have been hit with a nasty case of depression. It doesn't really help that I am pregnant either. I am just a big ball of emotions right now and Asshole is not helping the situation at all. I feel so bad for my children because I feel like I'm not being the fun loving mother they need and how I used to be. I cry every time I think about how shitty of a mother I have turned out to be. I swore to myself that I would never turn into my drug infested mother and I can feel myself turning into her... Minus the Drugs!

When I think about how my childhood was, I get sad because both my parents were drug addicts and thankfully my father decided that family and his job were more important. I just wish my mother thought me and my sisters were that important. But you cant change the past.

Tomorrow the kiddos and I are gonna go out and spend some quality time together. They are so loving and caring, all they want is their mommy. I want so badly to give that to them. I am going to call my Dr in the morning and make an appt. I don't know what they can give me since I am pregnant, but we will see. I am also going to look into counseling for myself. I tend to hold grudges for a very long time.. But that is a whole other post.

I have to get better...

I NEED TO GET BETTER....